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The Secret Life of Waldo F. Dumbsquat               Tom Laurie



The following is an original story by Tom Laurie in commemoration of the Class of 1975's 40th Reunion


Mrs. Waldo Dumbsquat was thrilled to attend Waldo’s 40th reunion; she had heard the zero reunions were the best. Waldo wasn’t so sure.

The deliriously happy couple made their way to the registration desk of the Colorado Springs Marriott, “Mr. and Mrs. Dumbsquat checking in. 75 Best Alive!”

“We have no record of any registration for a Dumbsquat,” the pimply faced front desk person whined.

“That’s Waldo F. Dumbsquat,” Waldo stated. “Please try again.”

“No registration, Sir,” the clerk repeated. “Are you sure you have the right hotel?”

Waldo’s temperature started to rise and he began looking for some sort of room to transform into the Man for all Reasons: General Dumbsquat.

Mrs. Dumbsquat laid a hand on Waldo’s arm to calm him down as she whispered in his ear, “That won’t work here dear. These are civilians.” She turned to the front desk clerk as she rummaged through her pocketbook, “Could I please talk to the front desk supervisor, Ms. Cook. I would like to show her a copy of our registration.” Mrs. Dumbsquat had seen Ms. Cook’s photo behind the desk.

The front desk clerk wanted to refuse, but Mrs. Dumbsquat was so nice he had no chance. He ducked out back for a second and came back with Ms. Cook in tow.

“Your front desk clerk has been so helpful,” Mrs. Dumbsquat started. “But this situation is beyond his authority. It seems your registration system has lost our registration and I was wondering if you could help us.” She handed the registration to Ms. Cook.

Before they knew it, Mrs. And Mr. Waldo Dumbsquat were unpacking their bags in the Presidential Suite. I guess the President wouldn’t be in town tonight.

The week had been going great and Mrs. Dumbsquat couldn’t wait to eat in Mitchell Hall having heard so many great food stories from Waldo; she was secretly hoping for Mitch’s Mountain for dessert. Waldo was hoping to not be poisoned.

Finally, they were seated at the 39th Squadron Commander’s table. Cadet Colonel Francis E. McIntire IV bragged that his grandfather was in the renowned class of “74”. Waldo didn’t remember the class of “74” being all that great, but he didn’t say anything.

“Do you think the 4th classmen can eat at rest for this meal,” Waldo asked?

“Absolutely not,” the Cadet Colonel replied. “They don’t deserve it. In fact, they will be lucky if they don’t spend the next two years as Doolies!”

“Watch this.” The Squadron Commander said with glee. “Fourth Class Cadet Browner.”

“Yes Sir,” the pathetic Doolie drawled as he spilled half of the canned spaghetti off his plate into his lap.

“Mr. Browner, what is the wingspan of the F-22 Raptor?”

 Looking like he had just lost his only friend, Cadet Browner couldn’t even think of anything to mumble.

“You see,” the Squadron Commander beamed. “They’re all pathetic; just like this one.

“When is your next class today Doo-Jaz Browner?”

“I don’t have any afternoon classes, Sir,” Browner squeaked out.

“Perfect,” Frank McIntire smiled. “Meet me in front of my room in twenty minutes in full parade uniform with your rifle.”

“Yes Sir.”

“And Browner… make sure you have no spaghetti sauce on your shoes.”

Mrs. Dumbsquat didn’t look like she was enjoying the shoe leather garlic bread, but she was enjoying it much better than the antics of the Frank McIntire.

Turning to the head of the table, she put on her sweetest smile, “Cadet General McIntire, we missed the tour this morning, would you assign one of your underlings to show us around 39th squadron?”

“I’m just a Colonel ma’am,” Cadet McIntire beamed. “I’m sure 2nd class cadet Rebecca Dorn will show you around. I would, but I have an appointment.”

Mr. and Mrs. Waldo Dumbsquat and Cadet Dorn lingered at the squadron table as the 4th classmen and the Squadron Commander hurried back to the dorm. Mrs. Dumbsquat was glad there was no dessert; it probably would have been freezer burned.

It was a beautiful October day out as the trio ambled back to the dorm. Mrs. Dumbsquat was looking forward to seeing the elegant dorm rooms where her hero Waldo once resided.

“What is that awful din?” Mrs. Dumbsquat asked as they got closer to the 4th group dorms.

“I believe you are going to get to experience a special inspection,” Waldo replied. “And, I don’t think you are going to like it, my dear.”

As they rounded a final corner into 39th squadron, Mrs. Dumbsquat was horrified at what she saw. Cadet 4th class Browner was pumping his legs with his rifle over his head as he belted out all four verses of the Air Force Song.

Cadet Squadron Commander McIntire said, “Enough, I’m really getting tired at the effort you’re putting out. Are all Southern Boys wimps just like you, or are there any real men from Alabama?”

Cadet Browner refused to rise to the bait which just seemed to make Frank McIntire all that much madder.

“There’s a reason the South lost the Civil War Browner,” McIntire continued. “I’m sure some of your relatives ended up running away from, instead of towards the action!”

Mrs. Dumbsquat knew the danger signs of her husband’s heavy breathing and she turned and placed her hand on his arm. When Waldo turned and looked her directly in the eyes, she mouthed the word, “Now!”

The sloped shouldered, paunch bellied, gray haired Waldo Dumbsquat ducked out of sight and a mystical transformation occurred that sounded almost like a sonic boom. The doors to the latrine burst open and the champion of all underdogs, General of the Air Force Waldo F. Dumbsquat sallied forth.

“Squadron, Atten-hut!” Cadet Dorn belted out. All she could see was the four brilliant stars adorning Waldo’s shoulders.

General Dumbsquat carefully inspected each cadet in the squadron area making all positive comments until he reached Cadet Squadron Commander McIntire. “A true leader never belittles the men that serve under him, Mr.”

“I don’t expect you to understand that statement any better than your grandfather did,” Waldo continued. “He was almost as much of a jackass as you are. Now, are you ready to repeat after me?”

“Yes sir,” Frank’s eyes were as wide as saucers.

“All 4th class cadets in 39th squadron are at rest for the rest of the weekend.”

He hesitated, “All 4th class cadets in 39th squadron are at rest for the rest of the weekend.”

“Good, now give me twenty squat thrusts and then run over to command post and make the following announcement,” General Dumbsquat whispered something into Frank’s ear. “Now count them out Mister.”

Mrs. Dumbsquat started walking away and was joined by Waldo after he had changed back to a mere mortal. As they were making their way to their car they heard the heard the metallic click of the Command Post speakers, “Attention in the area. 75 Best Alive!”


What's New

7 October 2015

Special 40th Reunion Waldo F. Dumbsquat column by Tom Laurie.

18 September 2015

September Checkpoints Column, expansion of GBNF, two new photo galleries plus more photos across many Checkpoints columns, a few new Memories of... entries, additions to the Early Academy Concepts under the History Tab.

2 August 2015

Addition of a large number of photos to the Individual Awards Gallery under the Galleries tab.

11 June 2015

June Checkpoints Column including links to select Extras, complete Charley Baby and Waldo F. Dumbsquat columns from 1971-1975 and a Drum & Bugle Corps entry, both under the Nostalgia tab, additional photos in many Checkpoints columns, ongoing format standardization throughout.

1 May 2015

‘News’ tab changed to ‘Checkpoints’, Videos integrated into ‘Galleries’ page, ‘Video’ tab deleted, Coming Events button on Home Page, other minor changes.

17 March 2015

Home Page refresh, March Checkpoints Column, Reunion updates, two new galleries, Prep School and 1975 Campus, relocation of Class of 2015 Legacy events to relevant Checkpoints columns as Extras, plus several additional Checkpoints Extras throughout.

15 December 2014

December Checkpoints Column, addition of several Checkpoints Extras throughout; more as material becomes available

12 September 2014

September Checkpoints Column, addition of a nascent Reunion Section, linked below, addition of Disqus comment feature on select pages, redesigned Home Page, ongoing minor format refresh and content update throughout

15 June 2014

June Checkpoints Column, updated History entries on cadet uniforms and early Academy concepts, plus a new entry on Frank Lloyd Wright, refresh of Twitter and Facebook page formats, minor site-wide refresh and content update

14 March 2014

March Checkpoints Column, minor redesign of individual GBNF pages, several new History entries, two new UPT galleries embedded in the 1976 Checkpoints archives

13 December 2013

December Checkpoints Column and new Squadron Galleries

10 September 2013

September Checkpoints Column, all new First Class galleries with nearly 200 new photos, new Falconews content, new Class Legacy Project content, new News links, numerous minor format updates

12 June 2013

June Checkpoints Column, redesign of the GBNF Home Page and the addition of a chronological listing, a nascent Class History timeline, and a Class Pinterest page (linked below)

4 May 2013

Minor format refresh, consolidation of Class Business and News sections into Class News

21 March 2013

March Checkpoints Column, Checkpoints archives for 1989-1999, completing the archiving of ALL Checkpoints columns from 1975-2013, updated format and expanded content in the Nostalgia and Class Business sections, the Exemplar Dinner from the 40-Year Class Legacy Project, eight new photo galleries covering the Second and Third Class years, and a gallery of old USAFA postcards

7 February 2013

Streamlined Checkpoints column format to better accommodate more photos, commencing with the 2012 column

8 December 2012

December Checkpoints Column, Checkpoints archives for 1987, 1988 and 2000-2004, new photo galleries, new content in Memories of... and History, new Facebook Page, general ongoing content update

25 October 2012

Checkpoints archives for 1986 and 2005-2009, general ongoing content and format update

12 September 2012

September Checkpoints Column, Checkpoints archives for 1985

23 August 2012

Refreshed 'look' of all icon directory pages, transition of all completed galleries to new format with many new photos and content, improved navigation features throughout

21 July 2012

Completion of new and expanded gallery format for fourth class photo gallery, Checkpoints archives for 1984

18 June 2012

June 2012 Checkpoints column, Checkpoints archives for 1983

19 May 2012

General site tune-up, minor design and layout changes, additional navigation bars, additional and enlarged photos in recent Checkpoints columns, miscellaneous additional content, additional history timeline content, new photo gallery, initial transition to a new photo gallery format, Checkpoints archives for 1980-1982

26 April 2012

Redesigned Home Page, Checkpoints Extra

21 April 2012

Checkpoints archives for 1978 & 1979

15 April 2012

A site-linked Twitter account. . Checkpoints archives for 1976-1977, additional Falconews articles, including some for the Prep Schoolers, reorganized Nostalgia directory page, with a separate directory for the Dodo and Talon magazines, several new issues of Dodo and the first Talon, links (below) to neighboring class web sites

27 March 2012

March 2012 Checkpoints column

12 February 2012

Graduation photo gallery

19 January 2012

December 2011 Checkpoints column

16 January 2012

Graduation parade video

15 January 2012

Falconews articles from the Graduation edition

7 January 2012

Checkpoints archives, commencing with 1975

22 December 2011

Alan Krukowski on Medal of Honor Recipient William Crawford

4 December 2011

Site Debuts

Checkpoints               Jeff Chappell
Days Until Graduation
          Class of 2016
          Class of 2017
          Class of 2018
          Class of 2019
Days Since Graduation  
          Class of 1975
Days Since 5 July 1971

September 2015

Bentley Rayburn summarized the Legacy Class B-25 Graduation Flyover as follows: Friday, 22 May, was the last time the entire Class of 2015 met. At the end of their meeting, we presented the B-25 flyby and model. Photo shows the 2015 Class leadership (three cadet wing commanders and the class president) and our ’75 reps, Mark Wells, Jim Eken, Scott Hente, Larry Bryant and me. Bill Estelle took the picture. The cadet holding the B-25 model was their class president, a former JTAC enlisted man, Andrew Dane, one of the few cadets in history to wear the Purple Heart. The Class was enthusiastic about our gesture. We told them that when the B-25 flew over, they needed to remember that it was our personal recognition to their class from ours and comes with all our best wishes for their service as Air Force officers. There was some consensus to have a base of some kind constructed so that we can mount an appropriate inscription memorializing the event, then display it at Doolittle or Arnold Hall. If anybody else has some good ideas, send them our way! The B-25 flew over just after the Wing formed up on the parade field. The announcer talked about the significance of the B-25 and the connection to the Doolittle Raiders and made a very nice mention of the connection between the Classes of ’75 and ’15 and the fact that the flyby was sponsored by our class. There was a very nice reaction from the crowd. All in all, I think it was a great show by our class.

Read the Full Column HERE

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