I shouldn't be writing here but I am compelled to get this big monkey off my back I've been lugging around for 49 yrs. There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think about USAFA, how hard I worked to get in and then quit. I guess as a 17-year-old your decision-making ability is pretty poor. I always wanted to fly jets, my uncle was a fire-breathing F-105 jock who survived his 100 over North Viet Nam with a chest full of medals and I worshipped him. The two dumbest things I ever did was accept an appointment then bail before I really "got it". In the end I went to a good engineering school, got an AFROTC scholarship, spent 27 yrs in the AF and retired as a Lt Col. Not too bad, but I never was able to get my shot at UPT (1975 AFROTC UPT purge victim) so that really hurts. But not sticking it out at the Zoo is my life's greatest failing and even if I were elected President, it would still hurt. I somehow feel the need to confess and seek some solace, but no one has been tougher on me, than me. Sorry for the big whine. That's all.
Jim Carlson: Allan, since our 10-year reunion we (our class) have been "finding" a number of classmates that for one reason or another did not graduate with the rest of us. Each has had his own story to tell -- but a common thread has been what you so wrote about so sincerely. We were young, and there were many unacknowledged dynamics that went into our decisions to stay or not to stay. Some of the more typical ones include the lottery system that replaced the draft (if you had a high number, like me, you could leave the Academy and not face the prospect of being drafted), long hair was in, a societal anti-military bias generally (and with some girls specifically), and so forth. You had your reasons, and at the time, it was the right thing for you to do. I also considered departing during 3-degree year. I finally came off Ac Pro, and realized that I was surrounded by extremely smart and talented peers whom I would have to struggle to compete with the rest of my time there. Every roommate that I had during Doolie year eventually left before graduation, with one exception. So leaving the Zoo was not an unprecedented action to take by our classmates (BTW, we had a total attrition rate very, very close to 50%). In a quantum universe that particular me decided to leave; in this one I stayed and graduated. It was that close. In any event, your experience is not uncommon. A large number of non-grads in our class have expressed similar feelings of disappointment, and interestingly, "letting the class down". I've been brought to tears by some of their confessions. Welcome to the class Allan. We decided long ago that any '75 non-grad that entered BCT as a member of the Class of '75. We have had a big segment of our reunions composed of non-grads. If you made friends during your stay, you still have them. I still miss the guys I went through SERE with. And 3rd Lieutenant, and the other summer programs. I've reconnected with a few who have come to the reunions or made contact by email. One squadron-mate came to our 30th reunion and took me aside and said that being there exorcised the demons that haunted him for years since leaving the Academy. I will never forget those sentiments as expressed in so many ways by our friends over the years. Our brotherhood extends to our non-grad classmates. Again, welcome back.
Allan Erickson: Thanks for the very considerate response-you cannot know how much this means to me. My wife and I had a trip out west planned for the early part of June so I could make a pilgrimage to USAFA and find closure but then the world shut down. I'm still going to do it while I still can. Again, thanks Jim.
