Memories of...Everything Else                                                                            

Weight Tables


Bob Dorsey

I was on weight tables doolie year after BCT, having had pneumonia. I was 6' tall and weighed in at 127 lbs. We were forced to eat Mitch's Mountains every day after every meal – I think they had us consume 16,000 calories a day (or perhaps that was the goal) – I don't remember and maybe this is just one more data point that's become embellished in my 2k buffer.


Jim Carlson

Once I discovered this oasis, every time my squadron table was closed and I went “looking for a hole”, all 117 lbs of me would high-tail it to the weight tables. There, I could have milkshakes, and all the high-calorie, fattening food I wanted. Unfortunately, about 300 or so fellow wretched smacks would be looking for the same thing at the same time.


Favorite S***Screens


Jim Carlson

My favorite s*** screen during BCT and later in my doolie squadron was Bob Lyons. I don’t know how he managed to keep taking all the abuse, and still be easy-going and as friendly a classmate you can find anywhere. Bob seemed to attract upperclassmen like tours to Fred Weems. All during BCT, you’d hear Bob doing squat thrusts past counting or standing at attention at the tables during the entire meal. I know he would’ve starved if there wasn’t a rule (established for our class after some nutrition issues when ’74 were Basics) that we would have to have at least 1 bite out of each course. I can’t count the number of meals Bob attended and ONLY had the 1 bite. It’s a wonder he didn’t pass out for lack of nourishment. I feel bad about it now, but when we were smacks in 22, and I had to step out in the hall to either read the meal menu, find out if I was a minute-caller, or go to the latrine, I’d wait and wait until I heard Bob step out and draw upperclassmen into his orbit; or hear, “LYONS, drive on out here!” It was only when the yelling and Bob’s tormented responses reached a certain pitch that I knew it was safe to make it to the CQ board and back. If it weren’t for Bob, I would’ve had a more miserable existence in CS-22 as a wad. But I wish now that I could’ve helped him out more. Here’s to you, Bob Lyons, I’m glad you were in my BCT squadron (Guts) and in 22. You’re a decent guy, and one heck of a great classmate.


Mustangs


Scott Arnott

As a young avionics maintenance airman (before the zoo), I got to fly 2 combat missions in an AC-119 in SEA while there on TDY – testing an experimental AC-119 with new sensors and avionics.


Weird Programs


Scott Skinner

We were members of the Class of 75 "Treadmill Team" – human guinea pigs at the mercy of firstie class pre-med students who (supposedly) measured our "biometrics." They were trying to see how squat-bodies from different altitudes adapted to the high altitude of USAFA. At any rate, we ran on the treadmill about a half-dozen times at USAFA (with face-mask attached so our oxygen intake and outtake could be measured – I guess), but then were taken on a trip to Los Angeles to run at sea level. Dubious enough on the surface, Larry Bryant told me years later that the flight surgeon who was head of the trip was court-martialed for misuse of funds. Could we have been the unknowing pawns? I know I was.


Larry Bryant

Scott is correct. Who else was in this program? I thought there were at least 5 of us. There were two Majors in charge of the project – Wat*** and Wal** – who were eventually court-marshaled for misuse of government resources. I think part of the charges were about the travel vouchers and some missing equipment, but I don't know any other details. We ran weekly to see how quickly we adjusted to the altitude. That Fall they took us to UC Davis, CA, and had us run at sea-level to compare results on a Saturday, but then we flew to LA and spent the night. Actually, they dumped us at the airport and left us to fend for ourselves. We got a hotel room near the airport by pooling our money.


Attitude Check Cheers


Jim Carlson

Banned by AOC of CS-33, but done anyway – inspired by CS-40 (who also had their own Ali Baba cheer), and CS-32, I think. One cadet (usually Colt Mefford in our squadron) would yell out the attitude check, and the rest of the squadron would respond when falling out. Colt was the best – we’d tell him that, while he served his cons after being written up for it every single time.

Challenge: “Attitude Check!” Response: “This Place Sucks!”
Challenge: “Positive Attitude Check!” Response: “This Place Positively Sucks!”
Challenge: “Dirty Attitude Check!” Response: “This F***ing Place Sucks!”
Challenge: “Mathematical Attitude Check!” Response: “Given This Place, Prove That It Sucks!”
Challenge: “Existential Attitude Check!” Response: “This Place Exists, Therefore It Sucks!”

Best Nametag Ever


Jim Carlson

Terry WADSACK, who didn’t graduate. He always got a kick out of planning to put an “M” in his name to see if any Basics would snicker when he introduced himself as cadre during BCT as “Cadet Wadsmack” . . .


Larry Bryant

Roger Olson wore his upside down one day (or more), which then read "NOSLO", so that's what we called him.


Been Mistaken as a Porter, Bell Hop or Waiter


Otto Dieffenbach

At Stapleton.


Ralph Paul

How about as a waiter at my sister’s wedding?


Muddy Waters

I was mistaken for a bell hop in a nice hotel in Chicago . . . we had been at Tom Calhoun's wedding in white mess dress . . . a year or two after graduation.


Dan Chapman

I’ve never been mistaken for an airport porter – but Brad Shields and I went to the Washington DC Mardi Gras to escort the various Miss's (Miss Shrimp, Miss Gumbo, Miss Oil, and my personal favorite: the Hog Queen) at some big Louisiana Congressional ball. While there, I was presumed by one drunk congressman to be a waiter as he handed me his dirty plates and wineglasses and ordered me to get some wine refills over to his table. I did the first half without complaining.


Playboy Permission Slip


Bill Lyerly

From Playboy Magazine's Miss July 1971:

Dear Cadet Bill Lyerly, Here's your written permission for you to have hot beverages with your meals. I hope this helps ease the strain of being a "Doolie." Good Luck, Heather, "Miss July"



End Notes


Mark Volcheff

I actually read all these accounts with total amazement. Either I've left the majority of my brain memory cells on a barstool somewhere in my past, or I lived my Zoomie days with my head stuffed in my laundry bin oblivious to what was going on around me. I have no recollection of being involved in any crazy spirit rallies, never could find my way to the weight tables, didn't find my wife until 13 years after I graduated, wasn't maintaining an off campus apartment against the rules (???), don't have a clue even today how to get into the tunnels, never served a confinement, marched a tour – and truth be known, I don't recall ever getting a demerit, but as I recall, I was voted Second Group's “Squadron-Commander-most-likely-to-get-fired” (a certain cadet group commander didn't think my leadership style conformed to the norm). Oh yes, I certainly lived on the edge at USAFA! Boring cadet life I guess – but an incredible 32 year career afterwards serving my country. I salute ALL our classmates! ‘75 Best Alive!


Hoss Erving

A heads up to Mark "Chex" Volcheff - Hey, Room-O! Remember your date(s) with "Bubbles", the local gal who REALLY liked you (and Ted Parker, and Sam Ryals, and Dave Ruddock, and Greg Geiser, and . . . ) Yes, you were an honorable young man, but the real story is still out there...!


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